While editing the video I was preparing as a tutorial I really got fed up with my voice. I couldn't enjoy what was sounding belabored and way more detailed than necessary. What was I trying to accomplish and why did it sound like I couldn't do more than belabor the obvious.
Or is it that I fear being seen as unintelligent and stuck on what everyone else knows already. Simply stating the obvious.
Yes, I do fear that. I also know, that learning to state the obvious in a second language takes a lot of guts, many mistakes and actually opens the door to see beyond the obvious. In the language learning power tools that I discovered very useful, The "stupid, smart" questions.
Questions you already know the answer to, but you ask them anyway. Why?
1) you get to practice articulating the words with your own mouth thereby repeating the process until the words naturally and uninhibitedly express you and 2) you are privileged to hear/observe a myriad of acceptable and normal responses to that question. All in the language you are aiming to acquire.
You stumble, learn, stumble more, learn more, take a step, stumble, learn more, get up and take another step in the game of expressing, listening, responding and connecting with other intelligent beings as together you seek purpose and life in a shared space of time, place and language.
I told a snippet of a story in my second language today. By no means perfect but it was me. It was simple. And it was perhaps obvious for the listeners to have me state something they already know. One thing they didn't know prior to this occasion was my own response to this snippet I was telling. And I fumbled the grammar, the words and I'm not sure they understood what I was trying to get at. They responded though, and went on to share openly about personal things they are lifting up in prayer and asking me to join them in seeking.
It was meaningful for me to share this little piece of me with my friends on the other side of the globe. Imperfect and I'm sure they did not fully feel or understand what I was alluding too. Enough meaning was conveyed though to have the shared moment, an experience of trying to understand each other - which in itself is a gift.
Owning my own voice.
I think for some reason I've felt it's got to be more than what it is in order to count, it's got to be "just so" if it's going to make a difference.
Today I am reminded that "showing up", that choosing to engage and putting effort and self into the moment is good. Period.